“Many creative writers keep journals; the sociologist’s need for systematic reflection demands it.” -C. Wright Mills

Just before waking this morning, I was dreaming that I was deeply dissatisfied with my life. It was a disturbing sensation to say the least. I don’t think it’s the case in a substantive material fashion; it struck me as a deeper existential discomfort, a discomfort that cannot be resolved save through long meditation. (Kevin, if you’re out there, perhaps you can shed some light on this.)

On another tip–or perhaps unconsciously related–I wanted to put out a little more troubled memory processing. I guess it’s the end of the year and I’ve gotten to thinking about old friends. (Actually, I suppose it’s the reunion that triggered it.) I wanted to give public props out to my college buddy Chris K. Though he or anyone close to him is highly unlikely to come across this post, he has played an instrumental role at important times in my life and I have not given him the credit he deserves. Our relationship has been one of close comraderie and fundamental conflict as our aesthetic ideas (at a detailed level) and our approaches to making it through this lifetime have been in disagreement. While I have prized the spontaneity and undirected approach found in Kerouac and Buddhism, he has assiduously pursued a career in publishing and loves the careful construction of Rilke. That said, under the firm structure of a goal-oriented life, he may very live more spontaneously than I, as I tend to reflect on the implications of the smallest of immediate actions.

Chris has, however, been part of the some of the most formative episodes in my life. We drove cross-country together. As mentioned above, he has long served as my aesthetic foil. Perhaps most importantly, in a moment of well-justified exasperation with my aimlessness and moaning about a future, he is the one who asked me what choice other than going back to school I had. That has set me off on my current course and reshaped my life. So, though this is probably not the appropriate forum for this, I do want to say, “Thanks, man. You’re very important to me.”